belt

Apr. 4th, 2005 06:19 pm
ebourland: Dismantle the Patriarchy, March for Women's Lives, DC 2017 (Default)
I’ve lost weight recently and have jabbed another hole in my belt and cinched it tighter.

I’m not thin but lean, my slight mid-thirties padding ablated back to its foundation. I have stayed the same weight as before, 72kg or 160#, but am bigger in the arms and chest, smaller in the waist. On Friday at my checkup the nurse measures my height and when I stand up straight on my good leg I am 167cm or just shy of 5’6”. My pulse is too fast and I am told to remove my shirt and lie on a table and the nurse and the physician’s assistant attach sensors to me, their dark hands wandering on my chest. Dr Theobalds examines a printout and talks to me about my heart. He is Jamaican and he points at a recurring spike in the printout. That your left ventricle mon, says Dr Theobalds. It’s too big, it’s too thick, you see? That why your heart beat so fast.

Do I have a bad heart I say and he says, No mon, your heart fine, but we gotta stay on top of it OK? Now I send you to the lab for bloodwork and urine test and then you come back here, we do a echocardiogram. You a young mon, we wanna keep you in good shape.

Early this morning during the blood draw I feel the needle bumping the walls of my vein and I stay very still in the chair and breathe slow and my eyes are closed. The nurse says something. My head nods and I will myself to keep a calm face and sit upright. I would rather get punched in the head than get stuck with a needle. Finally she takes away the needle and palms the dark fluid vial. She says something else and I just sit for a few seconds. After I get up she hands me the cup for the urine sample and points at the men's room.

I spent some of the weekend with Mary Anne. She came over Saturday night and we had not seen each other in a while and she told me her news while I stood at the kitchen sink doing dishes and heating up leftover Chinese food for her. She hovered at the edge of the cramped kitchen and she had much to report and her voice was urgent and fast and I listened to her carefully. We ate and went dancing then came back and it was about four in the morning and it was still raining. I climbed into bed and she went somewhere else to meet other friends though I did not hear her leave.
ebourland: Dismantle the Patriarchy, March for Women's Lives, DC 2017 (Default)
Some people say they like winter. (I'm one of them.) What we like really is winter kept in abeyance while we go round in coat scarf boots and cap or stay inside drinking coffee and brandy while the cold lives outside the window.

Christmas night MA and I went to Club Charles in Baltimore. We met the filmmaker John Waters though did not talk much to him. Then we drove down to DC and went to Midnight (or "that Goth club" as my friend DB calls it) that was relocated tonight for an unknown reason to 1823 L St NW, the cellar of a hotel or health club it seemed like. Bright and open there, inhospitable. Goths walking round pale and blinking. Club owners don't get that people want to dance in dimness. Midnight used to be called Catacomb. On the small sunny dance floor I bump twice into a rotating girl in a white dress and she says We've got to stop meeting like this and we dance together for a while then she looks at me smiling and a tad reproachfully and goes back to her boyfriend. Later I meet them. Their names are Liz and Royce. Nice young folks. MA says Royce was staring at her much of the evening. We talk with them and Six. Six is the six-foot-six bouncer at Midnight, a convivial man. When you're as big as Six maybe it's easier to be convivial. When you're small you have to show some meanness from time to time if you're going to survive. This morning Midnight's small smudged handstamp like a black coin persists on the back of my hand.

MA and I sleep in until nearly 4 p.m. with regrets. The day is wasted. Now I am trying to convince her to go with me to the Diner since there's nothing to eat in this place. MA asks for wake-up Tool and so Lateralus is belting out from the speakers.
ebourland: Dismantle the Patriarchy, March for Women's Lives, DC 2017 (Default)
Christmas eve / morning. MA comes over and hangs out. We were planning to go to Baltimore to see in Christmas there, but first I fell asleep then she. We trade gifts -- very thoughtfully she gave me a toaster oven and a scarf, humbling my presents for her: 3 music CDs. She's crashed out behind me, her phone beeping like a cardiac machine. I went out to her car on Mt Pleasant St at 3 a.m. to retrieve her phone and cover up the christmas presents she's stored there. Folks thinks MA and I are dating. We are not. We are comfortable friends and are grateful for it. She is good company. We argue about movies and music and grammar.

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ebourland: Dismantle the Patriarchy, March for Women's Lives, DC 2017 (Default)
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